“You fool. No man can kill me.”
How many times am I allowed to reblog this before it gets weird?
Fun facts: Tolkien constructed this scene because he came out of Macbeth thinking that Shakespeare had missed a golden opportunity with the ”Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth” prophecy
Being letdown by Macbeth is apparently a significant factor in Tolkien’s writing because the Ent/Huorn attack on Isengard was the result of his disappointment that the whole “til Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane” thing was just some dudes holding sticks and not actual ambulatory trees.
so he basically took his favorite shakespeare headcanons and put them into his AU fic
This revelation just knocked me over.
LET ME TELL YOU A THING ABOUT JOHN RONALD REUEL TOLKIEN. BACK THE FUCK UP SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING YOU’RE FUCKING JON SNOW HERE. LET ME TELL U A THING
JONNY T WAS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FANBOY TO EVER WALK THE EARTH. LITERALLY THIS FUCKIN NERD WENT INTO WORLD WAR ONE AND WROTE NORSEFIC EDDA FANFIC IN THE TRENCHES AND SENT IT TO ALL HIS FRIENDS WHO WERE PRESUMABLY LIKE “JOHN WHAT THE FUCK”
BUT IT DOESN’T END THERE
HIS WIFE? MADE HER AND HIMSELF INTO SELF-INSERT OCS IN SAID FIC. ALSO MADE HIMSELF A TOTAL TYR SELF INSERT CHARACTER. ALL VERY DRAMATIC. KEPT WRITING THIS FIC UNTIL IT WAS HUGE. AFTER HE DIED HIS SON PUBLISHED IT AND CALLED IT THE SILMARILLION. JRR YOU FUCKIN NERD
WAIT I’M NOT FUCKING DONE YET. TREEBEARD? BASED THE WAY HE TALKED OF HIS OLD FRIEND JACK WHO YOU ALL MIGHT KNOW AS CS LEWIS. THAT’S RIGHT. THAT NARNIA MOTHERFUCKER. WROTE HIM INTO LORD OF THE RINGS AKA THE SEQUEL TO THE SEQUEL OF HIS ORIGINAL FANFIC MASTERPIECE. CS LEWIS FUCKING HATED LORD OF THE RINGS. TOLKIEN FUCKING HATED NARNIA. BASICALLY THEY STARTED THE OXFORD PROFESSOR LIVEJOURNAL CLUB AND THEY FLAMED EACH OTHER’S SHIT RELENTLESSLY YET REMAINED BFFS
SHELOB? FUCKING TARANTULA BIT J-TIDDY ON THE FOOT WHEN HE WAS LIKE 3. WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS.
HIS AUNT’S HOUSE? NAMED BAG END. YEAH YOU GUESSED IT WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS
THIS FUCKING DORKUS SUPREME MADE UP HIS OWN LANGUAGE. WAIT NO IM WRONG. HE MADE UP LIKE 80 LANGUAGES AND DIALECTS AND ALPHABETS AND SHIT
BEST PART OF ALL?? HIS OWN LAST NAME, TOLKIEN, WAS DERIVED FROM THE GERMAN “TOLKHUN” MEANING “FOOLHARDY”. DOES THAT RING A BELL TO ANYONE FAMILIAR TO LORD OF THE RINGS??? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT PEREGRIN “PIPPIN” TOOK’S LIKE FUCKING CATCHPHRASE WAS “FOOL OF A TOOK”. TOLKIEN FIC’D HIS OWN FAMILIAL LINGUISTIC HISTORY INTO HIS WORK WHAT A DWEEB
IN 2008 HE RANKED 6TH ON A LIST OF THE TOP 50 BRITISH WRITERS SINCE 1945. HE WAS A PROFESSOR OF LANGUAGES AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFFY SHIT AT OXFORD
AND JRR TOLKIEN WAS THE BIGGEST DWEEB EVER TO LIVE
THE END#somebody fuckin censored this post like a weirdo so i had to go back a bit to find an uncensored version????? #what a fuckin weirdo????????#worth it #lotr #jrrtWHO THE FUCK CENSORED MY GLORIOUS FUCKING RANT ON TOLKIENDO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THERE’S A VERSION FLOATING AROUND WITHOUT ALL MY SWEARSUNBELIEVABLETHIS IS THE WORK OF MORGOTH I TELL YOU
Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride
This one always hits me hard. How many times a day do I check myself automatically - do I look okay, do I smell okay, do I sound smart enough, do I sound too smart, am I being too bold. Even when no one is watching.
If you’re reading this, here’s your reminder that it doesn’t matter what men think of you, not even the men who have planted their own unreasonable standards inside your head. You can stop checking yourself.
The Addams Family - Cousins EditionWe all know Wednesday Addams, but how much do you know about her creepy cousins?!
Sunday Addams is a secret whiz-kid who’s the result of a many illegal scientific experiments.
Monday Addams is scatterbrained but lovable girl who has an unusual psychic abilities from an equally unusual incident.Tuesday Addams is a grim Criminal Psychologist who is the best at everything they do and who WILL let you know.Thursday Addams is a lover of all things arachnid and who also happens to have created a giant carnivorous black widow spider.Friday Addams is a girls who’s days include hangovers and who’s nights contain partying, drugs, an occasional ass kicking.
Saturday Addams is a seductive, hyper-violent vigilante who’s driven by an extreme case of misandry, and wanders the world avenging wronged women.
PS. None of these are real! I made all of these characters up as an excuse to draw different versions of Wednesday Addams :)
582. It’s winter at Hogwarts and some clever Hufflepuff muggleborns put a vanishing cabinet in the middle of the Forbidden Forrest and its sister cabinet in an empty room. At breakfast the next morning they hear a group of Slytherin muggleborns arguing with one of their housemates who claims to have “made it to Narnia”.
"Are you sure that’s a real spell?" said the girl. "Well, it’s not very good, is it? I’ve tried a few simple spells just for practice and it’s all worked for me. Nobody in my family’s magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it’s the very best school of witchcraft there is, I’ve heard—I’ve learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough—I’m Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?”
having grown up with the HP series, i have said on multiple occasions that i am hermione granger. it’s no coincidence that we’ve never been in the same room, and i too am a magical bossy know-it-all with big hair who’s smart in school.
but now…now it’s OFFICIAL. and here are the pics to prove it~
photos taken/edited by ArtsyRaccoon, it was my first time working with her and she did an AMAZING job and was so sweet, please go check her out ;-;
more photos from this shoot HERE
P E R F E C T I O N
Instead of waiting in her tower, Rapunzel slices off her long, golden hair with a carving knife, and then uses it to climb down to freedom.
Just as she’s about to take the poison apple, Snow White sees the familiar wicked glow in the old lady’s eyes, and slashes the evil queen’s throat with a pair of sewing scissors.
Cinderella refuses everything but the glass slippers from her fairy godmother, crushes her stepmother’s windpipe under her heel, and the Prince falls madly in love with the mysterious girl who dons rags and blood-stained slippers.
Persephone goes adventuring with weapons hidden under her dress.
Persephone climbs into the gaping chasm.
Or, Persephone uses her hands to carve a hole down to hell.
In none of these versions is Persephone’s body violated unless she asks Hades to hold her down with his horse-whips.
Not once does she hold out on eating the pomegranate, instead biting into it eagerly and relishing the juice running down her chin, staining it red.
In some of the stories, Hades never appears and Persephone rules the underworld with a crown of her own making.
In all of them, it is widely known that the name Persephone means Bringer of Destruction.
Red Riding Hood marches from her grandmother’s house with a bloody wolf pelt.
Medusa rights the wrongs that have been done to her.
Eurydice breaks every muscle in her arms climbing out of the land of the dead.
Girls are allowed to think dark thoughts, and be dark things.
Instead of the dragon, it’s the princess with claws and fiery breath
who smashes her way from the confines of her castle
and swallows men whole.
'Reinventing Rescuing,' theappleppielifestyle. (via supernatasha)
Fun fact: If you are male and under the age of fifty and wearing one of these outfits, I will willingly have sex with you. Not even sure you need to be male.
Completely sure that you don’t need to be male.Seriously, I’d fuck the suits. That’s not even a joke.
Fucking hell yes
I have some of these suits! Yessss lol
I’m beginning to wonder if Mark Ruffalo just trolls Tumblr and reports back to the others. Like… “Hey guys… they call Evans a dorito…” and RDJ just sitting there like “Well that’s gonna be a thing.”
I mean. Really.